Drowning in Effexor

I always knew myself to be pusillanimous (lacking courage or resolution; cowardly; faint-hearted; timid) but lately it seems to have taken itself up a few knotches. I'm hiding from everyone and everything. I'm pushing off social engagements and breaking off relatonships just as they get started. It must have something to do with the fact that I wish to terminate (to bring to an end; put an end to) myself. My desire to chop and mutilate my arms has grown with my ardor (intense devotion, eagerness, or enthusiasm; zeal: his well-known ardor for Chinese art) of annihilation and I'm losing more and more control as the days drag on. We'll just see in the end if I'm strong enough to endure my spurious (not genuine, authentic, or true; not from the claimed, pretended, or proper source; counterfeit) travesties.