I've already tried to extirpate (to remove or destroy totally; do away with; exterminate) myself once, a little over a week ago [I realize it was a short time ago but my parents are careless and they know nothing, they care for only themselves] and evidently I didn't succeed. But there's this deep pulsing desire to take a razor and slit my wrists. I want to watch the blood pour from the gaping mouths and slowly die on the floor of my bedroom. I want to fill my insides with bottles of pills and end myself. To lock myself in a room and fill it with toxic carbon gas and asphyxiate (to cause to die or lose consciousness by impairing normal breathing, as by gas or other noxious agents; choke; suffocate; smother). I want to kill myself slowly and painfully... Looking back on this, I think that I might be crazy.
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